Tue 26 Sep 2006
Tech Support!
Posted by Pod under Humor
[2] Comments
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition , Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User
KEEP READING!!!!!
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REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck, Tech Support
Sent by another friend — a different spin:
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingBuddies 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several
other applications, such as GuysNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a
shareware program, Hooker 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2006.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be
very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were
automatically stored in Wife 1.0′s memory and could not be deleted,
they then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and
can, without warning, launch TurboBitch and Multi-Personality. These
latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what
the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Porsche 911 Turbo hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can’t be turned off.
Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2006, but there could
be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife
1.0 detects Mistress 2006, it tends to delete all of your Money before
uninstalling itself.